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September Reminder

On September 1, 2015 By Lindsey HallIn Rehab Truths

‘Cause we all need one:

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This is the school counselor. Thank you so much to speaking to our girls. It was very powerful. One of the girls came to me after. It was about the grief connection and ED. You made a difference for her! – Texas School Counselor

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A friend of mine (alright, let’s be real: he’s an ex, y’all know I got a lot of ‘em) called last week. He’s in new recovery and after a few days, multiple texts, a phone call, and some laughs - he admitted he drank this past weekend. • You lied, I said. (As though I was shocked? Like I haven’t done the same.) • Embarrassed, he said. Hate disappointing people. • Alright - well you don’t have to lie to me. We’re not 20 anymore. But I understand. What are you gonna do now? • Huh? • You did it. So now what? AA? Hospital? Do you need to get your pancreas looked at? • I don’t know, Lindsey, fuckin’ start over square one I guess. Or say fuck it and hammer a box of wine. • You sound defeated. • Woulda had 64 days. • You still can have that, I said. Quit looking for a reason to do it more. • I’m not. • You are. You fucked up and now you’re hating yourself and you’re looking for a reason to drink so you’ve created one. Blah blah. I know how it goes. • I hate you sometimes. • I smiled. We’re exes for a reason - but we’re friends because of those same reasons too. • You’re a heinous jezebel. • Love you too. Go to AA. Talk to your mom. Quit using this as a reason to relapse. You’re just scared. • We hung up. I got to thinking about all the times I’ve had “relapse.” The times in 4 years that I’ve skipped a meal or gone to the gym twice or puked up cereal. • This may not be the reality a lot of you want to hear - but we must be careful to not use a “bad” recovery choice - a “relapse” if you will - to say fuck it, and relapse completely. • Every single day you are faced with the choice to go back or keep moving forward, learning how to think again without that vice and mostly learning how to not lie to yourself. • You make a bad recovery choice today. Okay. That’s all it is. Do not give that more power. Live in the “flexible okay” and keep on 💛 • • #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

Humans made dis; thanks Mother Earth 🌇💛🚕 • • • #newyork #newyorkcity #newyorksunset #freedomtower #nyc

🌇💛 Watched the sunset in NYC - had a moment of ‘god damn everything hurts and everything is beautiful’ watching all of us ants running on top of each other. • Shared a drink with a lady I met on instagram - we’ve been following each other for years, and then a childhood friend getting married next month. • I’ve lived a lot of places - and forever I miss my life in NYC. But simultaneously love my life in Colorado. Am always unsure of what I want - equally thankful for the opportunity to be so confused and aware 🌺 • #newYork #newyorkcity #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

Met these ladies 4 years ago as coworkers. Walked in three days after rehab. They are apart of every poor decision and every lovely one too 💛🌇 • Happy, and reminded of all things that make us (me) human. Nyc - you are my forever home 💛 • • #new York #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

Brooklyn, NY. My forever home 💛 back in the city where I made the most painful mistakes - and the most real. Learned so much in this rat-ridden place. Never regret it. Walk the streets with my friends, am so happy to be here - feeling all so alive. • • #newyork #williamsburg #brooklyn #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

Waking around Connecticut today, backpack in tow, two of my exes call. Two. Ah yes - I think. My Instagram post this week. • Hi, I say - answering as a mother and her two daughters walk past. • So, what do you do if someone says something mean? The mom asks. • We ignore them, they say in unison. Or we tell them it’s okay. • I smile. Empathy-building. • Hi hey, I say again, talking into the phone. I’m in CT. At some Jazz in the park thing. • Oh — wanna call later? • No. I’m alone & free. • He makes a sound. • Why you calling huh? • I saw your Instagram post. • I figured. • I sent it to X. We both agreed we dodged a bullet. • God you’re an asshole, I snort. Shouldn’t have dated either of you fucks. • He pauses. You okay, Linds? • I’m okay. Yeah. Working on it, thanks. Dunno why I did it really. Felt like time. Was tired of pretending it didn’t happen. Or wouldn’t happen again. • Well, you know how to cause a storm I’ll say that much. • I smile. Don’t be an asshole. Just know I did it for a reason. • I know, he says. Just wanted to make sure you’re okay. • I’m okay. And I’m happy. • Is he good to you. This pony tail boy? • He’s good to me. • We hang up. 30 minutes later, the other calls. I laugh at the universe. • You missed my bday, he said. Thought I’d call anyway. • God I’m sorry, I say. I’m a dick. • Wanna have dinner soon? I saw your post. Thought maybe you’d need an ear. • You wanna have dinner with me? I ask, surprised. • I think you’re brave, he says. Regardless of us. • Well, let’s have dinner, I say. • Let’s have dinner. • People are people, aren’t they - so we let them be. Love people, with no intent to keep them as they are. • We grow - we expand. We evolve. • Thankful for all of you - and my life 💛 • • #colorado #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

Thank you. Thank you to every message, word, comment and heart on my truth bomb explosion of a post yesterday. For years I have wanted someone to look at me the way Scott Fitz looked at Zelda. • But perhaps, what I was really looking for - was a way to feel this about myself first. • It will take me awhile to get through your messages - your kindness - and your support. But please know I see it. I am still in some fog of tears - and still have a lot of personal conversations to be had given the substance of my message yesterday. • Will be taking a few days to handle the personal relationships in my life. • Have always wanted to be open - own my shit. But some truths are simply more delicate, and should be observed and handled as such. My head hurts to think of those that have real physical fear of being who they are. • Never would I have imagined the love that came out of one post yesterday. My God you people are amazing. My partner now is amazing. My best friends are lions. And my heart is a swollen lil girl one today 💛 • • • #colorado #edfam #recovery #edfamily #edrecovery #prorecovery #flexiblerecovery #edrecovery #recoveryfamily #anarecovery #anorexiarecovery #bopo #pcos #thisisme #bulimiarecovery #recoveryfam #healthateverysize #eatingdisorderrecovery #edawareness #bodypositivebabe #bulimia #pride #pridemonth #bulimiarecovery #ana #pcosawareness

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