The truth is we’ll see. I have no idea.
But, Colorado here I come!
I’m booked, completely scattered, and have spent about half my paycheck at the REI store-
But committing to this solo hike/bike trip is one of the more invigorating choices I’ve made since embarking down the recovery road.
Am I scared? Hell yeah. I’m hesitant. I know the fundamentals of who I am- and I’m incredibly good at getting lost and incredibly terrible at being vulnerable.
I know on this trip I’m going to have to accept the fact that things won’t always go smoothly. I’m hiking a 14er and coping with the knowledge that – hey- I may get altitude sickness and go slower than anticipated.
I’m wrestling with the struggle that food will be completely out of my control.
I’m biking 66 miles round-trip from Denver to Boulder and no doubt I’ll start out thinking I’m the fitness queen of the universe (YAS, KWEEN) only to discover I’ve, in fact, drank too much wine and ran too few times over the past couple months.
I’m going to feel lonely – and that’ll be hard because there’s nothing that can soothe loneliness except yourself.
I’m going to feel like I’ve bitten off more than I can chew and that’ll put me in a panic at some point- Yet I understand sitting here at my desk chair- that I’ll get through it and eventually there will be a day I’ll sit around with friends laughing about ‘that time I got a flat tire and had to wait 7 hours for someone to help.’
I’ve traveled my whole life with an eating disorder and as I reflect on the landmarks and cultures I wasted – I think, in part, I’m choosing to take this trip now as a step to forgive myself for the places I’ve seen but didn’t really truly ‘experience’.
The life I missed these past 8 years.
Maybe I don’t really know at all- and this is all just babble. Maybe I won’t know while it’s happening. And maybe I still won’t be able to place it 6 months from now,
But I do know there’s a reason I’m doing this solo trip, and it’ll be worth it.
And I’m oh so anxious to explore it.
Denver –> Red Rocks –> Golden –> Breckenridge –> Crestone –> Boulder
See ya soon Rocky National!