Where are you now?
Where am I now?
What a complicated question that poses.
Let me start off by saying that not a day goes by that I don’t think of my experience in rehab.
The crappy food- the stiff beds- the 5am wake up calls- not even the unshaven legs. (I’ve actually made a fairly terrible habit of that since…. much to the dismay of my partner)
One year later- and I sit here thinking how quite often that time period can change on a whim for me- from feeling so near- to coincidentally so far.
How are those girls? I get asked. Do you keep in touch with them?
Sometimes, I say.
Because sometimes, I do- and sometimes, I don’t.
Different ages, different backgrounds- together we felt so very close- sitting in those god awful strained therapy rooms. Our feet tucked under us- notebooks out and on our laps.
So close in the times we were forced to make “sand stress balls,” forced to count from 1-100 when we went to the restroom.
Close in the times we cried over a donut- laughed on the ground playing bananagram- laid on the couches.
Watched as our parents came and went. As Christmas and New Years passed quietly.
Sometimes, I can still feel Lilly’s head in my lap- braiding her hair like I did my friends in middle school.
Other times memories of it all come to me innocuously- on a plane coming back from Thanksgiving, a note falling out of a book.
“I’ll miss you always Linds. Come visit me when you’re out.”
Kenzie’s pink gel pen sparkling off the paper.
A year later, I still wish sometimes that I could go back to that place-
To the floral comforters, the narrow halls, the community room we always had to leave Jacy in because she wasn’t allowed to walk around with the rest of us.
A year later–
I didn’t know I’d look back at in this light-
But I do.