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This is the school counselor. Thank you so much to speaking to our girls. It was very powerful. One of the girls came to me after. It was about the grief connection and ED. You made a difference for her! – Texas School Counselor

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Spent today in NYC - my beautiful forever home. Running around Toy Fair - conveniently forgetting to eat. • Got back to the hotel. “Be better than your shit babe,” he said. • Pirates Booty and this and that aren’t a meal. Just a snack. • Don’t mistake a snack for a meal. • So, I ate. And we eat. • Don’t mistake your snacks for meals ✨🌇💛 • • #edfam #bopo #recovery #anarecovery #edfamily #recoveryfam #strongwomen #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorder #bulimiarecovery #bingeeatingrecovery #nourishnotpunish #eatittobeatit #nyc #javitscenter Love is love is love. And the biggest act of love I ever gave myself was acknowledging, and then valuing, the relationships Ive had throughout my life - female and male. • Valentine’s Day is a day that I scoff at alongside the rest of us millennials - but underneath, the day holds a lot of meaning. • It is the day I binge ate cereal for the first time at 6 or 7, sneaking into the pantry while my parents played games with us. • It’s a day I spent in a grocery store, senior year of high school, with my now deceased best friend and foreign first love, skimming aisles for “healthy granola fruit bowls” I insisted we make together in the kitchen in 2007. • It is a day I threw a Victoria Secret giftcard at my college ex - and told him to get out. He later left a note on my car. We laugh about this now. • It is a day I spent in Spain in 2012, when I met her — her with her NYC T-shirt rolled, gray jeans baggy, and I asked “where her boyfriend was?” Because, as it goes, life as I knew it then only had boyfriends with girlfriends. • I met her and when I said I was from Texas she laughed and in her northern British accent said “mate. Never thought I’d meet a person from the land of George Bush.” When I asked later if she was shopping for a valentines for her boyfriend, our mutual friend snorted “she has a gf you absolute American.” • It is a day I spent in rehab, in 2014, wondering if I’d ever talk about that part of my life. • It is a day, some time later, that a beauty with a beacon mohawk approached my work desk and stood leaned against my cubicle, joking about the day’s meaning. I stuttered - told her she had nice boots. • We joke about that now. I smile when I think of her in those boots. • And today - today it is a day that is quiet; spent with the same person for two years. A day that reminds me of the person I met naked in a hot spring. Eyes fixated when he spoke. As he wrote this morning “a day I knew would change my life.” • Boarding a plane to NYC, snippets of a lifetime of Valentines Days passing through my memories. • How I love, and cherish them all 💛🥰 • #edfam #bopo #recovery #anarecovery #edfamily #recoveryfam #strongwomen #pride🌈 #pride #valentinesday Every day, we wonder if losing ”a tiny bit” of weight will make us happier. Make us better at our jobs, less distracted, a comfortable dresser, a less irritable partner. • It can - sure it can. It can make you feel great when it happens. But, not ultimately. Nothing is ever ultimate. • 6 years ago, I was in San Diego on a business trip. My first job outta college, after I lived in Spain and had a torrid love affair overseas that I couldn’t tell my family about. (Yes, she was a she. And I loved her.) • I came back to my home in Texas. I went to work - let go of “all that over there in Spain.” I had to grow up. That is what we do. • I lost the “Europe party weight.” I got a 9-5 job bc that is what is expected. I worked & smoked cigs on the drive there - missing her, my life overseas. The freedom I “gave up” bc I had to grow up and “look the part; get the job.” • Went vegan, lost more weight. Those few lbs I’d always wanted. Ran multiple times a day. Stress fractures, wine and Xanax when I couldn’t sleep. • I also laughed sometimes. And when I did, I thought “well I’m not sick enough then. Not everything is shit.” • Snapped that picture on the left days before I was fired. Hours before my best male friend texted our other friend “she acts sick. Worried.” My other male friend “idk what to do.” • I lost my job days after that picture. My former boss and I crying, years later, “I didn’t want to do it. I knew you were sick but couldn’t do anything.” • I was sick and I wasn’t “sick enough.” I was sick and I was functioning. But only basically. Functioning basically. Is that any way to live? • Transformation pics feel like a con sometimes. It wants you to believe that before you got better you were utterly desperate, thin, morbidly obese, or frail. • My weight is not drastically different now than the picture on the left - that is where my body chooses to sit when I feed it well. • So a reminder that eating disorders do not always physically kill - but that’s not the point. They kill everything about you. They kill you slowly - so slowly that you barely recognize - until you do 💛 • #edfam #bopo #recovery #anarecovery #edfamily #recoveryfam #pride #strongwomen “recovery fatigue”: happened to me this past year. It’s like I’ve been in recovery for 4 years and all of the sudden I just started really noticing where my eating disorder was emerging in its sneaky subtle ways. • For me, I had to take a look at how recovery had changed for me — and what I wanted from it now vs then. • When I got out of rehab all I wanted was a life again. To party in nyc with my friends normally and have a 9-5 that I was reliable for, and to just eat without giving so many sh^ts. • But, that only could last so long. I got older and I’ve changed and evolved and I realized the partying I was doing wasn’t just with friends — but wine alone at night. • The 9-5 had evolved and grown, and i was doing that well so now what? • The eating was “fine” but I still secretly stashed granola “in case” — so what else was I seeing? • Recovery fatigue is so normal. In the beginning we just wanna survive this thing. Act and appear “normal”. • But it grows and then we grow and then our recovery deepens and we need more from it. • So take a look at how yours has changed. What more do you want? And what are you still holding back on? • These will be the questions you will have to ask again and again 💛 • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #fitspo #bodyimage #bopo #nodiet #nourishnotpunish #bingeeatingrecovery #bulimiarecovery #addictionrecovery #recoveryfam #eatittobeatit #female #strongwomen Juuuust a lil reminder if you’re out with your friends today. Idk how many messages or emails I get citing specific numbers. “I weighed this much at my worst.” And while I understand there is an inherent need to “justify” an eating disorder — it is incredibly unhealthy to do in a culture obsessed with numbers on a scale. • So I beg you to take a moment to think before you say how much you weigh, how much you weighed when you were sick, what you weigh now — and what you wish you weighed. • Even to those not struggling with eating disorders — it does nothing but spark that comparison. • And ladies, we gotta be better to each other — socially and online 💛 • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #fitspo #bodyimage #bopo #nodiet #nourishnotpunish #bingeeatingrecovery #bulimiarecovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #eatittobeatit #female #strongwomen Firmly believe the way we see our bodies will not f^cking change until we start to see other women differently. Until we start to be kinder to our own — demonstrate empathy. And change the same bloody body-obsessed, diet-focused convos we’ve been conditioned to have for decades. • Be kind to the drunk girl next to you. You do not know what’s going on for her 💛 • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #fitspo #bodyimage #bopo #nodiet #nourishnotpunish #bingeeatingrecovery #bulimiarecovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #eatittobeatit #female #strongwomen To you, my ex-college boyfriend: I think we’d both say — “I’m just glad you stayed alive.” • Have loved you, oh so been angry at you, worried about you, adored you, spent hours on Third Eye Blind playlists with you, danced around bonfires to “Atlantic City,” shared life with you, corroborated recovery — all to lead us here, at 30 - a decade later, walking the Colorado streets reminiscing about that life, and how I care about you still - thanks for sharing memories; stay healthy you. Stay alive. Stay OK. • Thankful that feelings can change and lives can interchange — and forgiveness is possible💛 • • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodyimage #relationships #ednos #recoveryfam #anorexiarecovery Had dinner with my college ex last night; he’s visiting Denver and we hadn’t seen each other in 5 years. • The last time, to be frank, was at a wedding - and ended in his removal from the wedding. • Needless to say, we approached dinner with a half smirk - and nervous energy. • I looked at him. You look good; like you’re not about to die, I said. You realize this is probably the most sober conversation we’ve had in 10 years. • He grinned. College was “the time of our life” I guess. • Oh man, yeah. Hot messes you and me. • We looked at each other. • You weren’t so perfect yourself miss. • I know. And yes, I know what you’re referring to. • He looked me up and down. You look great, and for what it’s worth, Linds, you always looked great. In college. After. Never could understand why you didn’t get it. • Plight of the brain, I shrugged. • You ever wonder — he stopped. • If things had been different? • Yeah. • Yes, I said. If we had gotten help sooner - or stopped enabling each other. Or if I hadn’t drank alongside you - or if you had known how to talk about my eating. • He nodded. • But, there’s no point wondering — because here we are, still here. Eating dinner. 10 years later — and you still eating with your weird ET alien fingers. • I’d have offed myself had I known you’d still be in my realm 10 years later, he joked. • Piss off, I smiled. I loved you dearly then. I just didn’t know how to. • And I to you — Linda. • Linda, I rolled my eyes. Never understood the nickname. • Roll with it, he said. • So on we roll — into whoever we’re both becoming 💛 • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #bodyimage #relationships #ednos #recoveryfam #anorexiarecovery It will be nearly impossible to not give a f_ck. But many of us will make it look effortless by posting sport bra or bikini selfies. • You will give a f_ck, and you’ll feel lonely when you look at Instagram. • And some days you will give a f_ck more than others. • Some days you will get tired of giving a f_ck and give in. Forget these days. File them as a day. • And praise the days you get tired of giving a f_ck, and choose to redirect the constant plague of “must look the other way. Must binge the cereal or the ice cream. Must check the calorie count. Must run x miles” to something more meaningful - like knitting, or visiting a friend. • Or painting your nails. Or making dinner with your partner. • Sometimes I think I give a f_ck too often. Sometimes not enough. • Sometimes I don’t care and sometimes I worry that by not giving a f_ck I am doing a “disservice” to myself. • I ebb and I flow. Weave and web. All that. • Always asking myself: Am I missing my life for this? What will I choose to show up for? What have I learned? And The utter realization — That my feelings are real to me, but I don’t always know if they’re true. • Sending love to all of you out there trying not to give a f_ck - wondering “why is it not so effortless for me?” • Because you are alive 💛 • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #fitspo #bodyimage #bopo #nodiet #nourishnotpunish #bingeeatingrecovery #bulimiarecovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #eatittobeatit Monday’s can feel like a huge trigger day - coming out of the weekend. • Maybe you were with your girlfriends and compared yourself. Maybe you’re a mom and had to go to an event and dress up when you’re used to a baby spittin up on you. Maybe because you had something go awry in your love life. Maybe you had to doll up to be around people and small talk about drivel. • Usually, for me, it’s cause the weekend beckons me to wear something outside of my usual slouch pants and oversized sweaters — and, at times, so starts the cycle of trying on clothes and having hints of “recovery despair.” • Got home late last night from LA. Partner and I had a long couch talk. I’m disappointed in some of my food choices this weekend. I ate meals well, but slipped into a “granola binge” cycle as soon as I was alone in an Airbnb for three days. • It’s a full out addiction, man, these granola binges. Think about it all day. Want to leave dinners to eat granola in a bag. • And while I’m gonna have to sort out what all happened there — I just wanna remind everyone that it’s okay. We’re in this “flexible” recovery thing together. • One step forward, one back, inching along — becoming more aware, eyes wide open 💛 • • • #recovery #edfam #edfamily #mentalhealth #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #fitspo #bodyimage #bopo #nodiet #nourishnotpunish #bingeeatingrecovery #bulimiarecovery #addictionrecovery #mentalhealthawareness #eatittobeatit

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I wanted to drop you a line in appreciation for sharing your story. 1 of my twin daughters heard you on campus & the other 1 was quick to tell me about you in their NCL meeting. Both girls came to me at separate times to talk about what you had shared. You probably hear this all the time, but keep on keeping on sister. You definitely delivered your message in a very impactful way, especially to the unique species of the 13 yr old girl. This Daddy (& former educator) cannot thank you enough for being real w/ them and not sugar-coating some of the issues that you have dealt with and continue to conquer on a daily basis in your own right. – Middle School Coach With 2 Daughters

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