A Play-By-Play To Wearing A Bikini For The First Time

On By Lindsey HallIn Body Image, Eating Disorders, Recovery Tips

So, you’ve committed. You’re doing it. You’re going to walk around in a bikini for the first time in 8 years. You’re nervous; you’re vulnerable; and mostly you’re scared.

In a series of pictures, here’s how it goes:

linds2
Commit. Pause. You’re doing it.  So, now what?
Uh, Spin?
Make a face?
Moment of panic. Scream at friend “WAIT, WTF AM I DOING.” I can’t. I “can’t even.”
But you did. You dropped towel. Oh SHIT, GRAB WINE. TOWEL REMOVED. Man down. Legs revealed.

Crouch…. ’cause legs are showing. Vulnerable.
Start the process. Cue Magic Mike ”untz untz untz untz.”
Nervous laughter. Not laughing. Snorting.  Shit, snort more.
Pretend to ”chill.” Fake laugh- oh God shirt is coming off. STOMACH ISN’T COMPLETELY FLAT.

MUST DRINK THE WINE.
Exposed. So exposed. “Yo- I am mother-‘effin exposed right now.”
Vulnerable. Look down. (halfbun on point.)
“Lindsey, move your wine.” But, can’t I just do this? Isn’t this cute?  This is fine. I’M SO FINE. *Head tilt extreme*
“LINDSEY, MOVE IT.” Look up. Hold wine in front of stomach. Also, filtered.
Losing filter. Wait, bare legs. Christ, must move the arm in front of stomach.  Big SMILE. VULNERABLE.
“LINDSEY, MOVE THE WINE.” Slowly. Giving. In. But. Filter. Shoulders. Arched.
“Linds, think about why you’re doing it.” Giving In… Still filter.
“LINDS! YOU’RE DOING IT!” Bam. Oh. I’m wearing a Bikini. No filter.

Game over.

And hey, life keeps moving-

So I can be free.

‘Cause once it’s done, it’s done.

And now the world can see all my Lindsey skin.

Because it’s all really just skin and soul.

9 thoughts on “A Play-By-Play To Wearing A Bikini For The First Time”

  1. Pingback: Ladies, It’s “Crop Top” Season: Summer Life With Body Dysmorphia | I Haven't Shaved In 6 Weeks

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    1. Lindsey Hall – Brooklyn, NY – Eating Disorder Recovery blogger at award-winning I Haven't Shaved in Six Weeks.com & Lindsey Hall Writes. IG: @lindseyhallwrites
      Some Days I Wear A Beanie

      Suzy- thanks so much for your wonderful comments! Your responses really help spur me on to keep writing about this lil’ demon- and all the various aspects that go into it (which, as you know, are so many.) Thanks for adding me on FB! We should chit chat- your expat life looks so lovely. SIGH. Wish I was doing the same!

      Reply
  4. Faziana – Student. Blogger. Reader of all words. Eater of all foods. Not one to be messed with when hungry.
    fazianai

    You look amazing! And your joy is radiating through my computer screen!

    Reply

  5. You don’t know me but I’ve followed your journey through your blog. You are such an inspiration and usually make me cry happy tears. You go girl!

    Reply

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