Happy Holidays From Rehab

Thanks to Thought Catalog for publishing! Happy Holidays Everyone- and this year, not from rehab.

Thought Catalog


Your alarm’s going off – it’s 5:30am.

Actually, that’s a lie. Despite going over the rehab “list of essentials” with your mother (which laughably do not include shaving kits and mouth wash–apparently in the case that you try to drink yourself to death), you have forgotten to bring a clock.

So no. It’s not your alarm. Your roommate’s alarm, however, is going off and you are nestled in your twin-sized bed under the hideous Floral Comforter attempting to wield yourself into the first nonsexual human pretzel ever performed.

Maybe the nurses will forget, you hope. Sometimes they do.  You move the comforter up over your head so that when one of them comes knocking for vitals, maybe she’ll mistaken your lump of a frame for a pillow. (And yes, you do think of that scene in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off… Every.Time.)

Your roommate wrestles from one side to the other–…

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